I know the difference now, between fact and fiction, But I've come to find that I've grown bitter in just 24 short years...

--The Holidays are almost over and I can't wait... People are getting crazier, A shoplifter faked a gun on me and two guys and a check forger attempted to physically assault my female co-worker. People might say well stop stopping the thieves, but then whats the point of caring about my job.

-- I also fear that my job my evaporate on a daily basis. The company is apparently in the shitter and I'm still new and low on the totem pole.

-- New Year's is approaching and I'm looking forward to it. Many people complain that New Years is always a let down. To that I say set your goals high and achieve them , whatever they are.

--Christmas math, ask for little get little, ask for something get something. Check

I want to go somewhere but i can't think of where or when.

I got this feeling and it's down in my bones
I got this feeling and it's burning up my soul
I got to get just one shot, baby one more day
Got to give me one shot today
I got this feeling just give me one day
--O.A.R.


  ¶ 12/27/2005

  I feel home, when I see the faces that remember my own I feel home,
when I'm chillin outside with the people I know.

Its funny i feel better when i'm in a bar of strangers, but as soon as i recognize one of the people in the bar I feel like i'm back in high school and have to worry about how cool i look.. damn what the hell has the last 6 years taught me if I still think like that..

Gotta find a place for the anger to go...

"you'll have to carve me
Carve me from stone
Right to the bone
Or I'll end up alone
Playing the role
Of someone in control"


  ¶ 10/22/2005

  I'm cookin' up a resurrection I'll serve it to you on a silver plate...

-Sometimes I want things to change, other times I want them to stay the same, I like being hypocritical, it means noone can accuse me of being an extremist. There are things I want, things I've never had, I then think to myself how can I want something so badly if i've never had it to begin with?

-ODB died this week, I hope this isn't foretelling from my previous blog about something eerie happening.

-This weekend so begans the sprint through the holidays, where there is no stopping til January and then there is a great big nothing. Also thanks to Missy wanting a December wedding :) any free time that was to be had is no swallowed in wedding maddness.

- I think college gave me a learning disorder.

" Haven't decided what to do
Where do I go for my inspiration
Go with the flow, with the standing ovation
Haven't decided what to do"
-LBC
  ¶ 11/17/2004

  We came in the game, plain ya see average man when the rest was ashamed to be...

Growing up suburban gives a lot of kids the complex of being stuck in the middle. The real city kids give you flack for having a back yard, the country kids give you flack for not having to wake up at 5am. I started life in the country and ended up a suburbanite anyway.. Going down the middle road makes it confusing sometime which way to lean. No wonder there are so many extremists in the world, it makes choice so much easier. If i had to pick one way I would have to lean towards country attitude and city living. I like all the cool options that the largest city without a main waterway can give me(Thank you John Madden). But I also like the relaxed approach that country folk go. By taking it easy they don't let the little things get to them.. Its like dust in the wind.....

"My worries weigh the world, how I used to be
And everything, I'm cold, seems a plague in me
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by and I cried"

--The Used


  ¶ 11/10/2004

  I've never been one afraid to die But I'm afraid to leave.

One day back in highschool me and Yoosuk were at my house watching MTV and a special on the Wu-Tang clan was on and it got both of us thinking... thats what we should do. No not become obessed with Kung-Fu movies and release records but form a clan, of people. Over the years it has had varying names and associations but the group aka the posse aka Justice League bowlers aka Duh 1-5 has kept up the idea of what me and Yoosuk thought the Wu-Tang clan were about, handle your own business, come together when it needs to, and protect each other like brothers. The bond that has formed between the friends I know is nigh impervious, distance of space or changes in thinking have not been able to break apart the people that I know.
Everyone told me that college would break apart the friends you knew in highschool, its just a fact of life.. didn't happen, we all still stayed strong we just didnt hang out as much. I think college made the pact better. It allowed us out of the comfort zone we had established at home and made us make new friends, find new things, travel to new places... but all the while it was still us back during the holidays. All college did was allow us to include more people into the group of people most of us consider our family.

Ever get the feeling you can't go on
Just remember whose side it is that you're on
You've got friends with you till the end
If you're ever in a tough situation we'll be there with no hesitation
Brotherhood's our rule that cannot bend
When you're feeling too close to the bottom
You know who it is you can count on
Someone will pick you up again we can conquer anything together
All of us are bonded forever if you die I die that's the way it is
--Pennywise
  ¶ 10/26/2004

  Something's wrong, Trying to conquer these fears i thought were gone. And it's been so long, I'm dying to live in a world i dont belong...

Well my adjustment into the corportate world is going as well as i could hope. The job is fairly easy so far while i'm constantly being told what i should be doing then doing it another way. Something funny that I've been feeling in my newest store is i feel some of the staff think i'm a company NARC, like whenever they do something "Non-company" they tell me don't say anything about that or that i shouldnt put that in my notes to my supervisor. I find that this gives me power and allows me to get away with doing less than usual.

I think its lame that we've had great weather since Labor Day, the last few weeks have been some of the besxt weather of the year.

I've found that I've also been living in a phase of constant brokeness. This comes from multiple trips to the ripple and random purchases and overpaying my school loans. I have this idea to try and overpay my loans to get out from under them as soon as possible. I doubt it will work and will continue paying them until i begin to draw social security. Speaking of drunkeness in the Ripple this last weekend I was out both nights rolling in small groups. It has been awhile since that has occured and i found that i had a great time. I look forward to more of these times due to our dwindling Indy numbers. After this saturday Yoosuk has said he will begin to groom me to be his new wingman, a job i hope i can live up to my predecessor.

Enough rambling...


"I lit my pain on fire
And I watched it all burn down
Now I'm dancing in the ashes
And theres no one else around
Cause I wanna be apart of something
This is just a story of a broken soul"
--Papa Roach
  ¶ 9/21/2004

  Am I hallucinating here? Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

Vegas can take it out of you everytime. I'm back in Indy after one wild weekend in Sin City. I enjoyed myself completly from the drinking, gambling, and the clubs I was wore out by Sunday. Once again I failed to come back with untold riches but I tried none the less. Here are the highlights of the trip.

Best Meal: Grandito Burrito at the Monte Carlo brew pub
Best Deal: Getting into Bikini's free twice.
Best Gambling: Let it Ride
Worst Gambling: buying back in at poker
Repeat Performance: Seeing people passed out in the street
Best Random Moment: Nick falling on the strip while trying to attack me.
Weirdest Random Moment: Having some dude ask me not to look at him puking in a trash can.
Worst Luck: Having it get windy every time I went swimming.

But now i'm back home ready to begin my new career of being a Marsh Co-Manager. Coming back and looking in my closet I realize i need to do some shopping, I don't think I will look very authoritative in Hawaiian shirts.

"I know you feel alone yeah and no one else can figure you out
But don't you ever turn away from the ones that help you down
Well they'd love to save you don't you know they love to see you smile"
--Crossfade
  ¶ 8/17/2004